Last week I took my dog for a long walk. When I left my house the street was completely empty, I didn’t see anyone. I was walking my dog listening to Marvin Gaye, just minding my own business enjoying the groove. I was almost back home when I noticed my street that was empty when I left, now had cops and ambulances blocking the street so vehicles couldn’t get through. I just assumed it was either a house fire or a minor collision because it was a really nice day and the street is just a long straight line. So I just continued walking my regular route through the police cars to try to go home. I passed a bunch of houses where everyone was out on the street or in the windows watching, but still I didn't think much was going on, so I kept walking down my street, trying to get home. As I’m walking my dog past one house this guy starts following me saying “why the fuck are you walking nosey bitch” so I yelled back “I’m going home asshole” and with that he came at me swinging. He swung twice and missed. But he was looking at me with this look in his eyes and in my head I thought it was this really evil look.
Then some lady comes running behind him yelling “his brother was just in an accident, his brother was just in an accident” to which I replied “okay that’s fine alright but I’m just tryin to go home”
On the rest of my walk home I’m a little shaken up, thinking maybe I should have swung back, maybe he's lucky he didn’t actually hit me. Then as I begin to calm down I suddenly feel this overwhelming sense of compassion. As the anxiety left my body I began to think that If I was the one in an accident my sister would have done the same thing. If my sister was the one in the accident I would have been upset too, probably trying to fight anyone who looked in her direction. I realized it wasn’t evil in his eyes, it was pain, uncertainty, and shock. Someone he loved was hurting and he didn’t know what to do.
Not only do I feel compassion for him but I also feel compassion for myself. It’s always been one of my values to never call someone a name, especially not a stranger, because you never know what they’re going through. I always tell myself that everyone is trying their best all the time, but we are all struggling with something. It’s part of being human. Me showing myself compassion was realizing I probably called him an asshole because my nan recently passed away in a painful way. Usually I would choose to ignore someone yelling at me, and not give them my time or energy, but I think because I'm struggling with losing my nan, I yelled back and called him an asshole. Now because I felt compassion for the guy, I kept checking the news to see if his brother was okay. The really sad part about this story is that the next day when I woke up I checked the news and found out his brother had passed away from the accident. I’m not angry at myself for the way I replied, I was doing the best I could. I certainly don’t feel anything but compassion for the guy who lost his brother. What this instance did for me was really emphasize that that particular value of mine is true. We are all struggling with something. We do all have a heartbreaking story, AND we are all just trying our best. Words are powerful and they can cause a lot of hurt, so I’m going to reevaluate how I can approach a situation like this better in the future, with more compassion. I want to do better next time. At the end of the day, we are both two people who lost someone we love. That’s probably the most human experience of them all. He’s not an asshole. I’m not a nosey bitch. However, We are both hurting, and deserve love and compassion.
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